Someone asked why we still allow adoption to continue...

There is another reason why we allow it, too. Because a lot of politicians, ironically, are also adopters. And the ones who aren't, are of the same mindset as most of America is... that infertility is just too difficult to bear, and that it can be "fixed." Indeed, that it SHOULD be "fixed."

I lost my mother when I was a child. She was murdered. I am fully expected to just live with, and accept this fact. Nobody's selling me a mother. And if I complain about it, I am told to 'get help' or 'see a shrink.' I was forced to surrender my son, and I am told to 'get over it' and that I need to 'get help.'

If someone loses an arm or a leg, they must live with it. They must 'see a shrink' for the psychological loss issues, and they might get a prosthetic that can partially restore their abilities associated with that loss, but mostly... it's "DEAL."

But infertility? No one should have to live with THAT. Oh no. That's just too much to ask.

When people are infertile, that's "god telling them to adopt," and they must be given the "same opportunity to parent as everyone else."

Interestingly enough, though, it's almost never God telling them to adopt from foster care, it's always god telling them to take on a shiny new infant straight from another woman's womb- before she even gets to say "Hello" to this shiny new infant.

Hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of children in foster care, but god is telling these infertiles to rape women of their newborns in order to "cure" their own infertility. Isn't that interesting.

Every other kind of pain, including having been raped of your infant, is a pain you are expected to just "cope" with. Go see a shrink. Get help. Deal. Not infertility, though. Oh no, no one should ever have to accept that.


And the part that sickens me? The very infertiles who have bought babies all tell me how ETHICAL THEIR agency is. Yet when I ask them certain questions that prove how UNETHICAL an agency is, they always answer yes...

Does your agency allow "pre birth matches"? Yes, of course they do.

This is coercion in the extreme. It is done, not for the expectant mother's sake, but to bond her to the "parents." It's done to exploit the bonding chemicals in her system. So that when the baby is born, she will feel horrifically guilty if she doesn't "give them THEIR baby."

It is done to ensure that, before the baby is even born, she thinks of herself as a 'birthmother,' and them as 'parents,' indeed, as 'THE parents.' It's well known that most mothers don't really, really see their infant as 'real' until the child is born. Then they realize on that deep, pure level, that this is HER CHILD and that this is a real CHILD, that needs his or her mother.

These truths are exploited shamelessly by the industry. This is pure, unadulterated exploitation and coercion. Yet these adopters proudly tell me all about how they met 'THEIR birthmother' before the birth and 'got to know her.' You weren't there to get to know her, you were there to put a powerful guilt trip on her. You are there to exploit her bonding chemicals. You are there to remind her that she is nothing but a 'birthmother,' while you are 'parents' who can offer so much more materialistically than she can. You are there to remind her that she is poor and single and you are not. That way, she won't be (in the words of adoption 'professionals') "selfish" and keep her baby. There is NO benefit to the mother in meeting the adopters pre-birth. None. It is exploitation, and nothing but. And the adoption industry knows it, and does it deliberately.

Adoption is UNREGULATED, ENTIRELY.

Does your agency use "Dear Birthmother" letters? Of course they do, how else is the 'birthmother' going to choose a couple?

This is exploitive as well. This have several psychological coercion factors involved. Again, it pre-supposes that the woman WILL surrender her child, that the decision is made and is not merely being considered. It begins the process of psychologically turning her into a birthmother before ever becomes one. It dehumanizes her, even to herself. It subtly tells her that her only use is "birth," that's why they're called "birth"mothers...

It shows her all of these poor, dear, dear infertile people. All of their pain and longing and desire. And she can get pregnant again, but without HER giving up HER baby, all these poor people will be without a baby. Indeed, most "birth"mothers sit there and cry that she cannot "help" ALL of these poor, dear, suffering "parents" who so long for a baby of their very, very own.

Does your agency refer to EXPECTANT mothers, and mothers who have surrendered their babies, as "birthmother"? Of course, it's industry standard, what do you expect them to refer to them as?

This is also a coercive psychological tactic. This word dehumanizes MOTHERS, expectant women. It turns them into a walking womb to be harvested by the avaricious, voracious predators waiting in the agency. It says that women are good for nothing but giving birth, then their usefulness is at an end.

It turns the EXPECTANT mother into someone who is EXPECTED to give away her child, period. She is not considering it, she is not looking at it as AN option... no, she is ALREADY a birth mother. Her usefulness has already been determined- she is there only to birth SOMEONE ELSE'S child.

Oh, and the other answer to these questions is often, How else are they going to remain competitive?

Hello? HELL-FUCKING-LO? Do I even need to discuss the problem with this one?



Anyway, I could really go on. I won't, because I'm sure people are sick of my adoption talking already. Needless to say... there is so much rampant coercion and psychological twisting in adoption that it's sickening. And the worst part is that adopters look me in the face and say that they are certain the agency THEY used was ethical and aboveboard, yet they themselves refer to women who haven't even relinquished yet as walking wombs whose only contribution is giving birth. How they can claim that their agency was ethical when they don't even know what's ethical themselves is beyond me. Not to mention the fact that they've purchased a child and are attempting to preach to me about ethics. Whatever.


Are you infertile? Do you long for a child to hold? Are you considering adoption to ease your aching arms?

Get help. Get over it. Deal. See a shrink.

Don't buy someone else's baby.


OMFG, did I just treat infertiles like everyone else?? How DARE I do such a thing?!?!